She gives few interviews – which is just as well, as almost every time she opens her mouth, Victoria Beckham puts her dainty little foot in it. Last week she claimed – poor thing – she hadn’t had a holiday in three years. Yet she enjoyed two months off after baby Harper’s birth last year when she rented Steven Spielberg’s beachside home in Malibu for £93,000 a month.
And what about her visit to St Tropez in 2010, and to George Clooney’s villa in Lake Como in 2009? A spokesman said she was actually referring to holidays with David but without the children. That’s ok, then. Here, ALISON BOSHOFF takes a light-hearted look at more of Posh’s little porkies.
THE MYSTERIOUS AFFAIR OF THE TORPEDO BREASTS
One minute she was flat as a pancake — see her performance at the 1997 Brits where she wore a white bikini and skirt. But weeks after her wedding in July 1999, her cups flowed over after an op at a London clinic which took her from a 34A to a 34D. She denied it, of course.
The busty look became a bit of a trademark and she was reported to have had a further enlargement two years later, taking her assets to 34DD. Victoria refused to comment on the speculation.
In 2009, after the family’s move to the U.S., she had the very obviously fake breasts taken out and ditched the fake tan to reinvent herself from WAG into serious fashion designer. he now reportedly has small B-cup implants.
But despite the obvious, er, evidence, she has always denied fiddling with her natural shape. In 2003 she told a TV interviewer: ‘I’m completely natural, except for my fingernails and I have a bit of help with my hair and a bit of a St Tropez (fake tan) going on.’
Finally, though, she confirmed in Vogue last year that she had indeed had surgery, admitting: ‘Torpedo bazookas, gone’.
KEEPING THE KIDS UNDER WRAPS
In an interview during a 2007 documentary, Victoria claimed: ‘We don’t ever allow the children to be photographed or filmed. We like them to be normal kids.’ Not entirely true.
When she and David married in 1999, Baby Brooklyn — aged four months — was the star of the show in a tiny purple designer outfit and Stetson hat.
He even had a solo OK! magazine cover in said costume, too. In 2008, little Cruz, almost three, joined mum on stage at a Spice Girls concert in New York — body-popping and breakdancing.
And baby Harper (right) is possibly the most photographed baby in the world, travelling the world glued to her mum’s hip. So far, so normal.
THE DOMESTIC GODDESS
Last week, Victoria posted a picture on Twitter of the Beckham family’s contribution to International Food Day at her sons’ school — sliced sausage rolls and pork pies, cheesy pineapple sticks and miniature flags.
‘Just finished cooking! Very proud to be British!!’ she wrote. But did she really do it? Making a perfect sausage roll is no task for a novice, although non-purists can use pre-made puff pastry.
But pork pies require hot water crust pastry — which involves melting lard in water, adding flour and moulding the hot sticky mess. You also need just the right amount of jelly, and a true homemade pie will have a slightly fallen crown. Unlike hers.
Five years ago, she was filmed trying to make an apple pie for her neighbours in LA. She was baffled by all the instructions, particularly the pastry, and had her PA do the work instead. In previous interviews, she has said the only thing she can cook is minced meat, and a Sunday roast. At best, you suspect she might have done a little heating and slicing.
EATS LIKE A HORSE
Victoria lost an enormous amount of weight from her already-slender frame after having Brooklyn in 1999. Before her wedding that July, she was notably bony — but claimed she ate up to ‘five packets’ of low-fat crisps a day. It’s since emerged that she lives on Diet Coke, tropical fruit platters (no melon or banana) and steamed greens with white fish.
In her U.S. Vogue interview last week, Posh said she’d been running six times a week to budge the baby weight after giving birth to Harper last year. Confusing, as her ‘people’ explained five weeks after Harper was born that Victoria had a slipped disc and was housebound.
It’s hard to imagine that running six days and working out would be possible soon after such an injury.
THE CAMERA NEVER LIES
Victoria complained in a 2006 interview that she looked ‘really awful naked’ after having her three boys, and added: ‘I’ve got so much saggy skin on my stomach.’
But there wasn’t even a hint of mummy tummy in the 2009 Emporio Armani awards which featured her in the company’s underwear.
She worked out beforehand, but Vic also required airbrushing — and plenty of it. And she only agreed to do the pictures if she did not have to show her feet, which have bunions.
A SOLO OPERATOR
Last month Posh said she was ‘knackered’ rather than miserable — and blamed the demands of launching her new clothing line at Harvey Nichols and bringing up a young baby.
‘I’m basically just like any woman who’s working and has lots of children — it’s tough,’ she said. ‘Harper’s not sleeping well and I’m up with the baby as all mums are.
‘I wouldn’t have it any other way — there’s not a team of people doing it for me. And then people want to say I look c**p. Well, I’m a working mum, so give me a break. I’m tired.
You can’t look your best all the time.’ Oddly, though, there is a team. A nanny — blonde and British — who was hired before Harper’s birth. There is also a PA, a personal trainer, a driver and about 12 security staff.
Other helpers include a hairdresser, PRs and her manager Simon Fuller. Eleven cutters and designers help Victoria with her clothes lines, and then there are the executives at her label. Her mum and dad help when they stay in LA (for months at a time), too. Not quite ‘just like’ any other woman who’s working and has lots of children, then.
THE SHOW’S OVER
The Spice Girls reunited in December 2007 for a massive money-spinning tour. But in February 2008, after dates in the U.S. and Europe, they cancelled plans to go to Australia, China, South America and South Africa.
Victoria said they had children who needed to go back to school and needed to put their families first. Yet by then it was the middle of term. A more likely explanation was in-fighting between the ladies — at that point, they couldn’t even travel together, and all stayed in different hotels.