Perez Hilton Mistakenly Thinks His Horribly Weird Plastic Surgery Makes Him Look Hot

A mother in Last night Perez Hilton showed up to Logo’s NewNowNext Awards looking like he just lost a bet with a plastic surgeon over whether he could outdo Tara Reid‘sfamously horrible plastic surgery. If that’s not the case, then there’s no real explanation for what’s happening in his abdominal region.

It looks like his doctor stapled the wrong organ and then tried to hide it by doing some creative waxing work on his stomach. And then sent him to get dressed at the Broke Brotherz store which sells two piece suits sans shirts.

I can’t come up with any other explanation for what’s happened to his body, nor can I explain why he’s showing it off. Doesn’t he know he’s not the only blogger with MS Paint?

Maybe he actually doesn’t know that. He seems like the kind of guy who would think his Paint skills are unique. But bad news Perez Hilton, I have it too and I generously made a few helpful notes on your body that you can bring to your plastic surgeon. I circled all the problem areas for you so he can undo whatever he did do.

So print this out, bring it to him stat and let’s get you back to your cuddly teddy bear self.California has apparently taken the meaning of dangerous driving to a whole new level. Shawndeeia Bowen was caught driving down a freeway in San Diego while texting and holding a one-year-old baby in her lap. And, just to up the daredevil stakes and fully secure that ‘Driver of the Year’ award, police say she also had two kids in the back seat that weren’t properly secured and was driving on a suspended license. She was arrested after a fellow driver alerted authorities, who didn’t accept her excuse that she’d only had her baby on her knee to comfort her cries.