Charlie Sheen — The Loch Ness Monster Is Afraid of Me!

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Charlie Sheen claims his latest co-star was a total no-show simply because they were too afraid to face the awesomeness that is Charlie Sheen. That co-star THE LOCH NESS MONSTER. 

As our sources previously reported, Sheen and a few pals traveled to Scotland to see if they could get a look at the infamous creature … but walked away with nothing. 

Now Sheen tells our sources the one they call “Nessie” was not beast enough to come out and play with the Warlock. He explains, “Clearly the monster labeled “Nessie” stayed both hidden and ashamed as it knew deep in her own ancient heart to be NO match both in mythology or reality, to a Beast known throughout the Highlands, the Lowlands, and the Badlands, by one bone-chilling word: MaSheen.”